I don’t remember exactly when I logged in last time here at Pagalguy and to my surprise, the interface has changed lots. I really had a hard time figuring out how to post in the relevant sections and I hope I am posting it in the right section. I had been banned before at PG for posting stuffs so I hope I am posting it in the right section. First of all, why return to PG after so much time and post this today. Well, I was telling a junior of mine today if he has heard of pagalguy.com. He was asking online resources for CAT prep so to be honest, I could not think of anything else other than PG. Although, I still don’t have a clue how to post a smiley here. Everything has changed here. (Coming from a PG veteran- Gaawd, I miss the smileys)
My tryst with CAT started in
my third year of Btech. Arun Sharma used to come in our hostel mess and
in our common halls and used to tell us, we ought to want CAT as bad as we
would had wanted a breath if we are dying of cancer. Well, lots of us were motivated
and given the discounts he was offering, we were inclined to join his coaching
classes. (Arun Sharma, the CAT related books writer) Cl also chipped in with
scholarship offers and I managed to bag second position at their Lucknow
centre. Cool, 8k off on fees, well enough for our liquor parties to last for a
week at least. Well, I was a ranker in the CL scholarship test so naturally, though
no need to study much. In my mind, I was already in most of the IIMs and I
didn’t even considered JBIMS or any other college with names like SPJIMR or you
know, SIBM, lots of colleges that I wanted to target after I failed twice in
CAT (missing the PG smiley here, the one with the logo) So, took CAT first
time, failed, got 77.73 percentile but since I think rationally to justify
my failures, I thought that so what, have a job and who cares. CAT next
time. Everything went smooth, smooth like I had always imagined, job to
fulfil our daily needs of ciggs and liquor and parties and what not, and on top
of that, I was blindly in love so failure in CAT did not even fazed me a bit.
And then, at the threshold of what is
called the real life, bang. Gf left, after I had the left the job to prepare
for CAT with her, yeah, life does plans out that way. So now, what, CAT,
that can redeem me of my sins, and if I make it, I can look myself in the
mirror at least. Was very dejected, and yeah, I used to cry too back then. Let
me take you back down the memory lane. I was shattered, dejected, and used to cry
on the over bridges near Polytechnic, Waves, if anyone is from Lucknow, will
know the places I am talking about.
Was bouncing back from Cl kapoorthala centre
to Cl Hazratganj centre and it was pretty scary at times, manoeuvring in the
traffic. So FMS got included in the list now and was quite determined to make it
this time. Bang, results, no success, ha-ha, and then, decided to move to
Bangalore.
Bangalore, I love this city. This city has been very kind
to me (if you take out the occasional chats with cops that ends with me and my friends
in their custody). Used to go to job interviews, well, I even went for call
centre interviews and had made up a story to tell back home telling why I have
joined a call centre after leaving a job before. Well, got job in HP. And
again, the dream started to take its course. AIMCATS, SIMCATS, these words were
like, let me tell you, the best things that I knew that time. Like a new-born
baby says first time, a word and everyone thinks it’s so awesome, I was in the
same phase. AIMCAT 19, marks, ohh, you topped, I got this, damn, will bounce
back next time after some time at Purple haze Kormangla, tried my best to
bounce back the next day. Didn’t had many friends back then, so PG was all that
I had, in terms of friends too.
People learn lessons from their mistakes,
but I had a knack for thinking that what I do is the best, so again, left job,
went full fledged with CAT, FMS and yeah, MAH CET has now got a place in my
list of exams and (missing the smiley). so, results were not as I expected, crashed
in CAT, missed FMS by borderline ( around 38 marks If I remember- and
yes, 38 marks is what I call borderline) and MAH CET, 98.73 percentile.(phew,
finally, I can also boast of a percentile) so, in nutshell – no job
(again), no admits and everything was lost. I even thought of consulting
a psychiatrist back then. I still remember the day FMS results were out, I
called up one of my friends, and cried, no, wailed. He said, it’s okay, maybe
it was the first time in ages that you studied hard, it’s ok to fail, try
harder next time. But I had not motivation left, I was at the lowest of my
life. So low that I used to think, what I will do now. All my friends are at so
good places, what I will tell my parents, what will happen to my life and all
the dreams that I have had, they just shattered. Fast forward next year,
luckily, there was an exam called SSC, got through and opted for Bangalore for
posting (I love Bangalore). Well, in college I used to think that two to three
years after college, I will be riding the bike of my choice, will be partying
more, well, personally, I love purple haze marathalli for that ( they let us
smoke too) unlike other joints. And there I was, boarding a sarkari bus, and by
the time I reached office, all my nightmares had turned into reality and was
facing the reality staring in my face in the form of ladies (above 50) as my co-workers
(missing the smileys), among other things that made me think what I had done
with my life, and how I had ruined it with my own hands. Back at home, everyone
was at least thinking that I had now settled for something, not the thing that
I had wished for my life, but yes, had a sarkari job, and was trying to portray
myself as happy as I could. So was the frustration that I had ended up myself
in jail for beating up cops near a pub.
Wait, then, the miracle happened, I had a hobby,
in college days, of uttering the word open source. Open source, yeah, I had the
hobby of uttering the word every now and then. So after my job, I used to come
and see the packages offered by various IIMs and then do my open source thing. Started
dreaming again, of having a company, a small one of course, I still fear of
dreaming big, since I failed so many times. Dreaming got intense, started
taking leave from job more often and one day, lady luck bestowed her showers upon
me. Got my first contract and finished it in a week. The long lost of
dreams of having the package of 20+ Lpa and all started taking its course
again. Yeah I still laugh at it, it happened last year, 2013 started, and I was
on the road of getting the dream. Well, my purpose of cracking the CAT
was to have a big fat pay package that enables me to do what I want to do. This
time, I was not going to give it up. I worked for 16-18 hours a day, applied
for leave at office and yeah, I resigned too from office. No, how can you do it
again, 7th pay commission is around the corner, how could you do that, was the response
from everyone I knew. Once you start failing, people believe that you
will always fail and even the slightest thing that you get, they will advise
you to hold on to it. No, but I wanted to do it. I resigned, and worked lots. I
worked round the clock, seems I mentioned it, before 16-18 hours a day (missing
the smiley) results: I have two employees now, both are based out
of India (and both are, umm, what’s the smiley for saying they are so cute),
and the ITR that I filed last fiscal was more than the yearly salary that I
used to get at HP. I have a small sort of company right now, and I have clients
all over the US and Australia (I don’t want to work for UK clients since they
ruled us and all, personal vendetta you see) My senior officers at my office
call me up to ask that If I have some sort of opening for their sons (missing
the smiley) Feels like a dream. But to get here, I had to go through lots.
I still remember the day when I crossed that magical figure that I had set up
as a benchmark for my financial success, I didn’t knew what to do. I went to
the Central Mall, BODYSHOP, and purchased the eye mask there, to pamper myself since
my eyes hurt lots after crying. I am very fortunate that I got what I
wanted. And yes, maybe, I had not wanted CAT that much, because, I see here,
people who had wanted it so bad, had got it.
The_hate, the doc mod (shashank -FMS inspiration for me that
time and probably these people will be my inspirations in time to come), burning_desire
one of the most beloved friends I had at that time at PG. Not only am I doing
what I wanted to do (utter open source, among other things) I am doing it from
where I want to do. Currently I am in Bangalore, since I love this city.
Life could not had been better for me than this. Even though the manager of
Purple Haze kormangla has warned me that if he sees me again in the premises,
he will have me kicked out, I still go sometimes, thinking that he won’t
recognise me. After all, once you start yelling “This Place shicks”,
the managers tend to do that it seems.
The dream is still there, it’s still there. I could
not make it to the colleges that I dreamed of, but I did something worthwhile.
I can now see myself and tell myself that I am not just some guy who gave up because
he was tired to continue. There are many tear shedding stories, instances where
I had sat numb, staring in the dark, and thinking that life is over. I hope I
have not diluted the sacredness of this thread in any manner. Life does rewards
us, we just have to dream that reward and work towards it. I could not clear
CAT in three years and I saw the success that I had dreamed of in just one
year. That makes me think that I was not committed that much to CAT prep and
just wanted to crack CAT to prove my self-worthiness to others and me.
Now, I just try to prove to myself and maybe that is what matters ultimately. We
have to dream the dream for ourselves, not for any other person, not for your
gf, not for your parents, it has to be you.
Seems boring now, this gyaan, so will end now.
[UPDATE] I will not be writing any exam now, CAT, or any other
for that matter.