Imagine you have a dream. A dream you have been nurturing, living, trying to accomplish for years. A dream you not only sleep with but a dream you also wake up with, every morning. It’s all meaningless without that dream. Not everyone has such a dream. If you have one, consider yourself fortunate. And if you realize that in time, don’t ask more. Keep reading.
Though we used to talk frequently over phone, I had to prepare for that call. I was murmuring and repeating lines to make it clear and straight. With all the courage, a lot of expectations and anxiety, I dialed her number. Beep-beep-beep-trrrrr-trr, I panicked and cut the call. What if she says ‘NO’? But fearing of denial, I would never know her mind. So I called again, with less fear this time. Beep-beep-trrr and she picked.
Her – Pehle kaata kyun? (Why did you cut at first?)
Me – Sorry, disconnected by mistake.
Her – So, howz life??
Me- Fun. New job. Kinda hectic.
Her – Enjoy your new work.
Me- ummm..I wanna discuss something serious, related to two of us.
Her- Okayyy. Tell me. (Could feel sudden seriousness pinched in her voice)
Me- As you know, we have been talking for a year now and share a good understanding. Ummmm… I wonder…I mean I was thinking…. What If….U know…. (I choked)!!!
Her – Rahul, stop blabbering and say it clearly. (more seriousness)
Me– I wish to have ‘You‘ in my family.(I hardly took a second to say this)
Her- (in a breaking voice)Rahul ! What you mean ‘in your family’?
Me- See, as far as family is concerned, right now it’s just me and Dad. It’s not a family. You know what I mean… I wish ‘you‘ to be a part of the family. You getting?
Her-Rahul! I do understand and care about your feelings but what you are talking about, is socially unacceptable. There is an awkward age gap between us.
Me- What does age have to do with it? And why does society need to give acceptance of anything? We can stay together even without traditional-social or legal formalities.
Her-And what are you going to tell your relatives and neighbors? Who will I be for them?
Me- You are Madhu Maa and you’ll be the same. I don’t give a damn for those relatives and neighbors and society. None of them come to serve me food after I come home bone-tired from office. None of them cares if Dad forgets the morning medicine. None of them ask me to put clothes in order. None of them prepare breakfast for me if I am getting late for office. None of them. So they don’t have the right to raise questions. All they need is a topic to gossip about. If you won’t give them one, they will create one. Doesn’t matter how right or wrong you are.
Her- (interrupting) Rahul, Rahul, Rahul. I understand. But that’s not the right way to do it.
Me – Give me the right way.
The conversation went on for another hour. And for next three years. In these three years, the mother-son relationship between us went through peaks and troughs. She kept mum for months for her own reasons. No matter how fiercely she refused or how hard she tried to let me off this thought, I always called back after giving her time to calm; even after a text message in bold letter “LEAVE ME ALONE, PLZ”. At times, I know it to was irritatingly stubborn of me to return to her after months’ long silence. But actually, I left her to her own world at her wish without giving up on my dream. Somehow, I knew that I shouldn’t let this one go and I should wait for her change of heart. I had lost ‘one’ long back. I didn’t want to lose another chance. Not everybody gets another chance.
Three years later when I was leaving the city for good, got a call from her. She was crying over the fact that I won’t be around. I was touched and annoyed at the same time. I asked her why she had called then and why she was crying when she hadn’t even bothered calling in last two months? Did it even matter because we rarely met when a couple of miles away? What difference did it make?
She replied- “Now, I know. It does”.
But I had to go.
Next day, while I was yet to unpack, I received another call from her. After few minutes of normal chit-chat something led me to throw a light taunt over her unwillingness to be a part of my dream.
I said – “You don’t wanna come in, I don’t wanna let go!”
She instantly replied- “Rahul, I wanna come in.”
Me – “What? Come again !!” (couldn’t believe what I heard)
She – “I wanna come in. I want to fill that missing part of your family.”
I surely wasn’t ready for that. Recall the article picture? I lived that moment. Choked up. Holding the corner of table. Crying and smiling at the same time. Couldn’t decide what to reply. I pursued my dreem. Yes, I did.
Incorrect spelling?
Hardly matters!!!