So the day came.
I was just one hit away from handing over my resignation.
For past couple of years, I managed some hypothetically extremely critical operations to save zillions of money to some hypothetical business. At least I was told so! I remember My boss screaming me apart on my first day, “they did not teach you Excel?? What am I gonna do with you?!!”. Yea Boss, I got 99 subjects but an MS-Excel ain’t one!! How stupid of me!
Devilish smile reappeared, finger poised on ‘SEND’ and hit!
Rel….lieved!!!
Well, not really.
Alright so, A typical notice period has two phases-
1) Role-reversal mode– For the first time ever, You’re in a position of power and importance.
“You know Sikandar, Your leaving will be an irreparable loss to us. We can not even imagine how this whole organization thingy is gonna work out without you”.
“Umm I am honored sir. But my decision is final to go for blah blah blah. Please rise up from the floor and sit on the chair. here here, my handkerchief sir.”
Your manager thinking meanwhile- “Ahh this attrition rate is bleeding my performance rating! this dumbass!!”
You walk out of that meeting room like a Hero! and the first phase, the good phase, is over.
2) You-wish-you-had-rather-been-jobless mode– Okay, first of all He stares at you whenever possible. When you finally starts to ignore him, he invites you for a meeting .
“Hey Parasite, Let’s have a close connect on how things are gonna be like going forward!”.
“oh, okay!”.
—-Meeting room scene 1—————-
My Lord: “So what are you doing now days?”
Me Minion: “Just the usual, Sir!”
My Lord: “Transition all you know to Alexander. Make Word, Excel, Technical, flow chart docs, a magical wand. if any of his doubts remain, your LWD gets extended. We clear?”
Me Minion: “Arr yes, Sir!”
My Lord: “Close this by next Friday.”
Me Minion: (chocked, coming back to life) “Sure, sir!”.
—————————————————
You’re working your ass off.
“Hey Parasite, Let’s have a close connect on how things are gonna be like going forward!”.
“umm, okay!”.
—-Meeting room scene 2——————–
My Lord: “So, What are you doing now a days?”
Me Minion: (beaming) ” Tranisiton succesfully done sir. documents ready sir. There is no dependency on me now, sir!”
My Lord: “Okay Okay.”
Me Minion: (With puppy eyes) “Arr Sir, When I can expect my LWD now? I was hoping it to be 1 month or..”
My Lord: “I see. I forgot telling you before (just like you forgot telling me your idea of quitting. In your face!). Alexander is not the one. We are getting someone else in. Arr, We dont know who he/she should be. We will let you know once we find.”
Me Minion: (Stabbed him in thoughts) “sir, but.. begging, begging, more begging”
My Lord: “Try to understand. Will let you know.”
————————————————————-
“Hey Parasite, Let’s have a close connect on how things are gonna be like going forward!”.
“-_-“.
—-Meeting room scene 3————————
My Lord: “So, What are you doing now a days? Never mind. This is Alexander-2. He is a fresher. Alexander-2, Introduce yourself.”
Alexender-2:(sticky hair. spectacled. uncomfortably big smile) “Good afternoon! myself Alexander-2. I did my B.tech from …:
My Lord: “Ahem, that’s enough Alexender-2! Start your training.”
————————————————————-
The problem with the freshers is that they are sentimental question-banks and they think that seniors know it all!
Me: “Double click the tool icon. Copy paste these SQL statements from the word doc. Hit ‘Run’ button. ok?”
Ranchhor:” what is this button beside ‘Run’, ‘query process plan and statistics’?”
Me: (Blank) “We don’t use it. (My lord’s voice echoing- If any doubts remain, I will extend your LWD) Umm, Give me a minute. Go play with your Office communicator till then.”
Ranchhor: “NO, I wanna see how you do all this” (Same bloodsucking smile)
Me: (shamelessly opening Google) “Next time you have a question, First google it out. Then ask.” Phewwwh.
Ranchhor: (Clearly unimpressed) “??!!”
—-Meeting room scene 4—————————-
My Lord: “So, What are you doing now a days?”
Me minion: “Tranisiton succesfully completed sir. There is no dependency on me now. I am all free and ready to be relieved, sir!” (feeling elated.)
My Lord: “I see, I forgot telling you before. one of our resources is gonna be on leave for 2 weeks. I decided you to be his replacement.
Me minion: (WTF!!) “who sir???”
My Lord: “You dont know him. He is from the team XYZ. the team you always wanted to work with but we never allowed to. Congrats finally!”
Me minion: ” but, I dont have any idea what they do!”
My Lord: “dont worry, We’ll train you.”
Me Minion: (FFFF!!) “what! there is no point training me now! My college starts in 3 weeks. begging, crying, rolling on floor crying.”
My Lord: “Organization does not pay you for sitting idle. Iff you’re charging 9 hours, You ought to utilize all of ’em! No questioning on this, Parasite!”
Me minion: (poker face) “??!!”
My Lord: (opening his brahmastra) “Talk to HR.”
——————————————————————-
Well, I am gonna be an HR in 2 years. And I am particualrly fond of the way they project to be all time busy. I am fascinated by them and I wanna be one of them. Why not!
So, we all know how this must have worked.
I contacted the HR. She seems fine with any date of my choice. She contacts manager. She declines any help to me. Matter over.
Fellas! So in my last days here, I am still burning my brain cells over a technology totally strange to me and fighting my way around it. Damn all those people who told me notice is a honeymoon period!
Life does educate us via many means. Thanks to my dear manager for not making my life quite a bed of roses. Inured me, Ready!!
Arr potential employers, Please dont judge my working habits from this. ? Back to work.