Have you ever felt completely frustrated and aggravated so you feel like just completely giving up and bailing out on the idea of being successful at what you do?
I sure did. Many times.
There were times where I would check my mock test results and be in tears saying to myself, “Why I am not getting success? What’s wrong with me? How come my friends and everyone around me are making a killing in their mocks and why not me ? ”
My first few attempts at CAT were a complete disaster and utter failure.
Just thinking about it makes me feel sick to my stomach. Even as I write this, those feelings come back.
During the worst of my struggles, I kept thinking about my options.
1. I could go back and get admission into some decent MBA College and simply give up on the idea of cracking CAT and deal with the fact that I can’t get calls from IIMs
Or
2. I could hang in there, continue to work on my speed, knowledge & keep moving forward and continue to seek out answers.
I chose option 2 obviously. Otherwise, I would be sitting at a desk in some mediocre B-school staring out the window regretting the fact that I gave up on my dream.
During my journey of failure, I learnt a lot of valuable lessons.
Some of them I will remember lifelong. You will learn them as you go along with me.
So let’s start by taking baby steps towards my CAT journey.
I gave CAT for three times and I don’t hate to admit that.
My first two attempts at CAT were complete disaster.
When I gave CAT for the first time, it was back in my engineering days. I scored 91.14%ile, so I decided to quit my job to give CAT again and study wholeheartedly.
I studied the whole time but unfortunately I scored meager 83.xx in my second attempt. Even some of my junior friends scored much more than me.
At that point, I felt like a real loser , like in capital letter “L”
I remember, hearing suggestions from people who became overnight advocates on how to crack CAT, so I devised all kind of strategies to avoid that topic that most MBA aspirants would never think of , let alone try.
I labored under a burden of inner agony, maddening frustration and desperation. Sometimes, I wondered to myself how anybody could possibly explain or justify such a long, uninterrupted string of failure.
Despite this I decided to give CAT for the last time in 2011.
At then I was working on some different projects, I really didn’t have time to study, I studied only for last 7 days.
I gave CAT with absolutely no expectations.
I didn’t apply to any B-schools as I was not expecting any calls.
And something unusual happened. I can’t share it just now.
I will talk about it in next instalment.