There used to be Telangana protests because A.P. ministers wanted to create Telangana. Now protests are being held because Telangana has been created. There is no reason to worry though, the House continues to function as normal as ever (for the uninitiated, it got disrupted yet again). Lok Sabha Speaker, Meira Kumar, was more than happy to experiment with a new rule to suspend 12 MPs (now they are protesting the suspension).

After trying its best to meet the amazing standards set by Zimbabwe’s currency (did you know it would cost you $35 million Zimbabwe dollars to buy an egg), Rupee unfortunately gained some value today. I suggest you buy a hen as soon as possible because no one’s sure which way Rupee would slide. Book a flight if you have enough gold and go to Zimbabwe. Make sure that hen isn’t lucky enough to catch bird flu…sell eggs there! Trust me, you WILL become a millionaire!

Meanwhile, all is well with our borders. Pakistan and India continue to play Counter Strike while the Chinese are still trying to figure out where is that damn border line that they saw in the map (some were caught earlier claiming that Shahrukh Khan is Chinese too). Our respected leaders are trying to calculate the number of states that they will be left with in India if they lost to China & Pakistan in CS (someone suggested to buy cheat codes from USA but President wants to try DOTA first). PM was very optimistic though. He said, “We would most probably get to keep Mumbai. After all, Pakistan needs a place to impart practical lessons to their bombers” (fire in the hole anyone?). But none of us need to worry because P.Chidambaram has already drafted plan to divide Mumbai into not 29 but 50 states; for convenience the states would be named State 1, State 2..etc (it would be convenient to add more states later on, as and when necessary) while our country would be renamed from Mumbai to country “The Remaining_States_of_India”. Plus, if that happens then all would be legally allowed (it is allowed otherwise anyway) to keep our cash in Swiss banks due to…err lack of space!

Infosys is mulling over the idea whether it would be feasible to invest in Chennai Express-2 or onions since no one seems to buy their software anymore. On one hand, Bollywood is minting more money than my whole salary combined over next 7 lives across 13 dimensions over 21 parallel universes, while, on the other hand, I had to sell both my kidneys, put my right eye for auction (I lost my other eye and liver when I went to buy 1cm*1cm land in Mumbai some time back) and take a hefty loan from ICICI to buy 1 onion. Alas! I could only afford to look at one (but I got to shake hands with Barack Obama while in line for “darshan”).

That’s all for today folks!

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