I have come to detest the term bachelor. Along with students, we have become the second most hated tenant subsection in the history of Mumbai. These are some pointers for how you go about actually getting a place for rent in Mumbai, if you fall in this vile category that is. And FYI, if you thought being a bachelor is mutually exclusive from being a woman, good luck with that.
Pearls of wisdom/Wisdomous things
1. When you see ‘Pets/Bachelors not allowed’ in the rental ad, run. Do not assume you can con your way into this place. For loopholes, see wisdomous things number 2.
2. When you see ‘Bachelors not allowed’, this generally means they have a more generous outlook on pets. You may be able to get your dog a flat and then register as his/her pet. Assuming of course that you can ensure that your dog takes you for regular walks every evening and cleans up after you. Apartment societies are very picky about such things you see.
3. Distance yourself from referring to yourself as a bachelor. Preferred alternatives are Labrador, working professional or rich in that order.
4. This is the most important rule of all, but for my life, I can’t remember it.
5. If you work at a place called PaGaLGuY.com, good luck explaining to the prospective landlord/lady what it is that you do. At this point, it is generally a good idea to roll over on your back and look at him/her with your best puppy face. It also helps if your puppy face is puppy face and not troll face, there is a world of difference folks. Practice in front of your dog before you attempt this drastic measure.
6. If you think I’m being snarky, I probably am.
7. If you think I’m being unreasonable, Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Oh you poor thing (*wipes tears off face*).
Now you may ask, is it worth the trouble to train Juju and Bibi to be more authoritative with you around landlords/ladies?
Well?