“Alex wanted to name our baby girl, Sofia”, Liz said. She seemed nostalgic. “What do you think,Ana?”, she asked, not looking at me but at the padre who was chanting the funeral rites.
“I think its a beautiful name.”,I said, holding her hand.I tried not to break down. I did not know how Liz held herself up together. I remembered the day when Alex knocked my doors at midnight just to tell me that he is in love with Elizabeth. We celebrated the rest of night with leftover pizza and cookies. He was the closest to a friend I ever had. He was someone I could share the deepest of my shit-deeds and apprehensions with, without the fear of being judged. I remembered the day I told him about Sammy’s ambush-the first time I met him.
“He attacked you! How dare he!”, Alex roared in anger.
“Its not that he meant it”, I said politely.
“And you’re defending him?”, he was surprised.
And then when I told him that I love him, he gloated like an ass that he had always known. It was a happy memory. I knew I would miss him a lot.
Alex had been comatose for few hours since he was brought to the hospital. The doctors said he was perfectly normal for about an hour before his death. They say it happens sometimes. Before death, life gives you one chance. None of us were with him when he died. That hurt me more. He left messages for each one of us though. As if he knew it was his time to leave. He told me to take care of Sofia and Liz. And he asked me to trust myself that things will turn out for good.
That made me think of losing Sammy. A shiver ran down my spine exactly then. Even the thought was excruciatingly painful. I turned to look for him. He was right there as he had been since the time we knew about the tragedy. His presence was a help for me and Liz. He comforted me with a nod.
The rites were almost over. Everyone had paid their last respects. Liz’s parents took her home. Everyone left. I stood there watching Alex’s grave. Sam held my shoulders lightly. “Do you want to stay for sometime more?”, I nodded, not looking at him. He left my shoulders and turned to leave, when I held his arm, “Stay with me.”, I said, looking at him. “I was not going anywhere”, he said, surprised.,
I took his other hand. ” Stay with me. Do not leave me.”, I said,again.
“I am not going anywhere, Ana. I just thought you would want to be alone with Alex.” , he said, holding my shoulders again.
“Sam, Don’t leave me like Alex did. I will not survive that”, I could not hold my tears back. I wanted him to say that he would not leave me ever.
“I won’t”, he held my face.”I am not going anywhere, Ana and I will be with you, no matter what.”, he assured.
I turned back to the grave. “I still can’t believe he’s no more. Its like tomorrow he would honk his car till I get out of my house screaming at him. But that would not happen now. And Sofia would never know what a wonderful man her father was!”
” Sofia”, he mouthed.
“He told Liz he wanted to name her Sofia. Do you know who planted that name in his mind? Few weeks ago, he told me that he and Liz were looking for a name for the baby. And he wanted to know what I thought. I told him, ‘Sofia’, and he did not think twice. He told Liz he wanted to name the baby Sofia. He did not even tell her that it was me who gave that name. He said when Sofia would grow up, he would tell her that aunt Ana named her. He was going to officially ask you to be the Sofia’s god-father”, I was rambling in nostalgia.
He held my shoulders tight with his left arm. “Let’s go home”, I said.
“Do you want to go to the camp?”, he asked. I looked at him, “Okay”, I said, incoherently.
The ground was unusually less-crowded. The breeze left my cheeks pale with cold. I was feeling a surge of emotions. I sat on the sand. I could see the sun set into the sea. Sam untied my pony-tail. I turned to him wondering what he was up-to. When I was about to ask, he shushed me and told me to concentrate on the sound of the waves and the falling sun. I was too tired to argue so I let him.He squatted behind me and started untangling my hair. His fingers ran through my hair in smooth waves. He, then, to my surprise, started to braid my hair. I turned my head but he would not allow me to. I gave up and watched the rising tides. I rested my arms on my knees. He in a few deft moves braided my waist-length hair. When done, he placed his arms on mine and rested his chin on my shoulder. His legs tracing mine. It looked like I fitted into him completely.
It was not the usual day. It was a day of loss. A huge-irreparable loss. But his presence made me feel good. I could smell him.I tilted my head and my cheeks brushed his unshaven jaw and it hurt. I cringed but he held me tight. I could not move.
“Ana”, he breathed into my ears. I did not turn towards him. He went on. ” I will never ever leave you. So that you do not worry, I took the shore’s job. You do not have to be afraid, love. I will never leave you. But, if something happens to me..”, I turned towards him shocked.My eyes were welled in tears.