Note: Please don’t compare this with last article because previous one was, as its author would call it “a fluke” (and more than 90% of it was editor’s genius). So this article was scribbled in order to bust your misplaced faith in the author.
It was just another call like many others from my Mom but it landed me with invitation to a wedding of close relative. In other words I was to be showcased to entire crowd wrapped around in suit and tie, just as a new car model is displayed in an auto expo. (If you think this was “the revenge”, no, I didn’t get off that easy). As the wedding was months down the lane, I soon forgot all about it and didn’t even bother to book a ticket.
Exactly one week before wedding, Mom called and sarcastically inquired if I had booked my tickets (How does she always know? I coolly replied I have them covered and digressed from the topic. I was done for; my only option left was “TATKAL” odds of which happening were astronomically small. I had to step up. I was ready with multiple duplicate windows, multiple logins on multiple PCs (Normally referred as Ninja Mode). When I got hold of 3rd AC ticket (Eureka!), I felt elated as if I had just “milked a lion,” I was now a part of rare elite who could boast such a feat.
Oh did I forget to mention train was scheduled at 5 AM in morning. That meant I had to head from home around 3 AM. Procrastinating packing and travel took all night and resulted into a night out. But I wasn’t worried as I had AC coach and with cozy warm blankets.
I had boarded the train after an uneventful journey to station and set to preparing seat for my slumber. After managing half an hour of sleep TT came did his usual ceremony (He just asked my name and if I had an ID Card). Now with no more worries I was all set for epic slumber. But couple of minute at the next stop I was blessed with a family having not one but two (Caution: SARCASM ahead) cute cuddly toddlers (Lets assign these environmental variables as Chinku and Minku). Soon, the moment that I dreaded so much came. Chinku started what you call a soft background wail. Inspired by his sibling Minku started humming. After a couple of minutes Chinku took the lead score and Minku was nailing background wail. They took turns in leading while other recovered energy, all the while building to a final crescendo. By that time I had already started head-banging (No, not the usual one at concert, but more along the lines of :banghead: ).
As if egged on by my reaction they went heavy metal on me. I was grasping for any piece of pillow and blanket to isolate my ears from this deafening symphony as a drowning man grasps for straw during his final breaths.
My insomnia soon progressed I started having hallucinations. I brought forth gods to help out of this situation. First of them being our dear Albie (God? I follow Nerdism). He said “Your problem has simple solution.”(I didn’t catch his drift after that, it happens when a person having an IQ 250+ talks to you). Finally concluding his thought with “You do all this and your problem is solved. Of course all this is possible if you travel close to speed of light”. To this I replied politely “Sir I say this with all due respect, if I could travel close to speed of light, you and I wouldn’t be having this conversation right now, I would have been in my house nibbling sweets albeit not travelling in this pathetic train.” After this apparent disaster I summoned Newton but he was pissed off that I invited Einstein before him. By that time my mind was spinning so I summoned Galileo. He was terrified, I had to explain to him at great length that I wasn’t in any way associated with Catholic Church. He then took a sigh of relief and said “Using Hubble space telescope I can always tell you what is happening in a star 3 billion light years away but this problem is out of my scope”.
Feeling betrayed and seriously considering turning to atheism, the greatest scientist of all time “Nirmal Baba” came to my rescue. He has been known for data driven and precise advice that has helped millions. He said “Ek samosa kha lo kripa hogi.” To my dismay it worked. After 12 hours hosting of unhindered musical concert family had reached its destination. I was finally out of my agony and entered into a wakeful dream.
Cue in the setup from Harry Potter ending (King’s Cross Station). I was sitting on bench with dead ant in front and an old crooked Ant besides me. He just said “What you experienced was classic example of what goes around, comes around. You should now realize the graveness of your actions. What you did was wrong and unjust. You should never have oppressed weaker sections of society. If you expect good out of people, you yourself should be good first. As a wise man said Karma is a Bi**h” With these words of wisdom he left and I went to blissful and unhindered slumber with a determination never to replicate my mistake again.