At this very moment, my mind is working at warp speed fueled by the various emotions that are making their presence felt at the most unwanted time. And the resulting emotional cocktail is enough to give you a mind numbing hangover and render you incapable of performing even the most basic task. At such times, it is highly advocated to distract yourself from whatever it is that is bothering you, by doing something you like. The person who suggested this didn’t account for the fact that maybe one of the things I like doing is the main ingredient of this emotional cocktail.
Our life, as I see it, is like a building built on multiple foundations which have been reinforced for protection. As long as the building is standing, life is stable and it goes on. The structure of those foundations depends on how we have lived our life. For some people, those foundations may be weak and such people tend to have mental deficiencies. For others, those foundations are extremely strong so that even if one suffers a jolt, the others end up supporting the building. However, what happens if all the foundations suffer a jolt at the same time?
This is exactly what I am going through. I always thought I had built up a decent life in the last couple of years. A girl who I love and who loves me, a decent job, good friends, great hobbies and a nice family. What else could I ask for? Turns out I hate my job, I have to travel and leave my family for some time in the middle of a small crisis, my friends are busy with their lives, the girl has become disconnected from me and no amount of hobbies can even begin to distract me from all this. When every pillar in the foundation shows weakness, it results in an uncontrollable bout of helplessness and insecurity. Your emotional needs are left unfulfilled and you start getting sucked into a whirlpool of depression. The worst part is that you start behaving in a way that is completely against your natural persona. Such behavior is counterproductive and leads to further emotional disintegration. Just imagine trying to grab a block of floating wood while drowning and just falling short each time. Everything you depend on for emotional fulfillment drifts further away. And you know it is not your fault. Because the person that everyone sees during this period is not you. That person is a projection of all the negative emotions that have come rippling to the surface because you’re unable to control them. The person everyone knows, loves and respects has disappeared into the abyss of neediness and emotional turmoil.
How does one tackle these feelings? How to come out of it unscathed?
P.S.: Many people will relate to this piece. Maybe, putting it into words will even help a few of them.