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A Pig that Cannot Fly is Just a Pig

Recently, I moved into a new apartment because the extortion, disguised as “security down payment of Rs 70,000” which we had to pay was simply irresistible. So I took some loans, personal and business, paid the money to creepy, greasy landlord and moved in.

But it became worthwhile when I chanced upon a carton left behind by the previous tenants. Describing all of its contents would be irrelevant, and besides no-one believes in miracles anymore. But I am sharing some of what I found inside.

It is a text from a diary, ostensibly written by the child (diary says 6.4 years old, updates the age to 6.6 years few pages later) who lived here. The diary was not in very good condition, so I am reproducing the text the best I can. The name of author is ambiguous since he seemed to change it every other week and had jotted down over 25 aliases. I could see where he was heading to.

23 march

my stomach is a bit fat but i certainly cannot bounce eggs on it as they all said. Also i have to save 5 rs to buy three eggs. Will start from tomorrow.

27 march

Always remember,

Polishing your shoes has no shortcuts. You should not apply oil on your black shoes and go to school. Dirt and chalk will cover your shoes and teacher will ask you to write “I am sorry” on your shoes itself.

03 april

No matter how late you get up you can always beat the sun. It is really lazybones (brother disagrees, though he is in college).

8 april

Today was fantastic. i got two rupees by mistake instead of one but did not know how to spend them, so gave back one.

11 april

why father listens to old music? i like the music in our barber’s shop. He has better newspaper than us too. Punjab Kesari is so much more colourful than our newspaper.

17 april

Oh God, how much more fielding i have to do in this life ? i would be such a good batsmen if only those bowlers let me bat any longer. i hate them, they are so good.

26 April

why can’t i have ice cream first thing in the morning? day should start happily.

30 April

My barber is stupid. i am tall enough to sit on the chair but he still makes me sit on that plank for children. He gave me commando cut before last summer vacations. i was popular. Though i cannot say for sure if it was on account of the haircut or because of some other mysterious thing about me, but I still should be on good terms with him, vacations are coming *dance* *dance*.

18 may

two pencils in stationary shop are better than one in my hand. ha ha.

30 may

leaving the house. i hope the new people will not paint over my drawings.

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