Or should I say, the need for none.
Two weeks ago, my company decided to post an entry-level analyst job opening on a MBA-specific niche website, anonymously. I uploaded it on Friday, 2 pm. By 6:30 pm, when I logged out, I already had 50 profiles in my inbox. By 6 pm on Tuesday, when I closed applications, I had crossed 400. Mind you, not the run-of-the-mill IT Analyst applications, 95% plus were ready to become (or already were) investment bankers.
This was the first time any of us in the company were running this exercise. I skipped the email bodies, downloaded the attachments into one folder, and started sorting: Yes, Maybe, No. Yes meant a line professional would read the resume and select some profiles to interview. Both Maybe & No meant the same thing: immediate rejection. I was on a deadline of less than seven hours before handing over the sorted folders. Just over a minute to read each application before taking a call to sort. By the end of four hours, my mind was completely fried. I pitied recruiters who did this daily, wondering how they prevented their brains from turning into mush.
By now you’d have understood that I considered everything other than the resume itself superfluous. Yet, every now and then, some gems cropped up. Two such cover letters are reproduced below, verbatim.
1. In the pursuit of achieving perfection, I wish to widen my horizon in different fields of work. Working with such a reputed organization as yours will certainly help me exploit my best potential and make me work as a key player in such a challenging and creative environment. Opportunity to working with your firm would provide me an understanding of the industry as also enhance my knowledge of financial analysis & management. I believe my education and values would enable me to exceed expectations on the above parameters and also give the organization a commendable team player.
2. Knowing as I do, that your esteemed organisation is a learning place for many successful professionals I am approaching you, sir, with a fervent request to offer me an opportunity to serve in your high profile organization.
I am pleased to enclose my “Curriculum Vitae” which inter-alia highlights my professional and academic attainments. I am looking forward for an Organisation that furthur shapes my skills and provde me with a successful career.
It is therefore, with a fond hope and expectation that I am approaching you for a positive and favourable response. Needless to mention I shall make earnest endeavours to come up the expectation of the Organisation.
Both stated they knew my organisation well. In reply to an anonymous posting. Wow. Grammatical errors set aside, who comes up with such gems? That they are aware won’t even be read?
Tomorrow, I plan to start an online petition to permanently murder the idea of cover letters. Verbose resumes are poisonous enough, anyways.